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Writer's pictureRyan Mayfield

How to Help a Team Member Overcome Self-Preservation




As a leader, you’ve likely encountered team members who seem guarded or hesitant to share their thoughts and feelings. This self-preservation, while understandable, can hinder their growth and impact their team’s overall performance.


To help a team member overcome self-preservation, start by building trust and empathy. Be accessible, listen actively, and show genuine understanding and compassion. Once trust is established, gently encourage vulnerability. Lead by example, create a safe space, and acknowledge and appreciate their contributions.


To address specific self-preservation behaviors, consider these questions:


What am I afraid of losing?


  • Identify Specific Fears: Encourage your team member to pinpoint exactly what they fear losing, whether it's job security, reputation, or social status.

  • Assess Reality: Help them evaluate the likelihood of their fears. Are they based on concrete evidence or are they rooted in assumptions and worst-case scenarios?

  • Reframe as a Challenge: Encourage them to view their fear as an opportunity for growth and development.

  • Break it Down: Help them break down their fear into smaller, manageable steps. This can make it less overwhelming and easier to overcome.

  • Build Resilience: Encourage them to develop a plan to deal with setbacks and failures.


What am I trying to hide?


  • Identify Hidden Aspects: Encourage them to reflect on what they're trying to hide, whether it's a weakness, a mistake, or a fear of judgment.

  • Embrace Vulnerability: Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings with trusted colleagues or mentors.

  • Create a Safe Space: Foster a culture of psychological safety where they feel comfortable being authentic.

  • Develop Self-Awareness and Self-Compassion: Help them understand that everyone has flaws and insecurities.


What am I trying to prove? To whom?


  • Understand the Need for Validation: Help them identify the underlying need for validation and approval.

  • Shift Focus: Encourage them to shift their focus from external validation to internal satisfaction.

  • Set Realistic Goals: Help them set achievable goals to build a sense of accomplishment.

  • Celebrate Successes: Acknowledge and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small.


By understanding and addressing these underlying concerns, you can help your team member overcome self-preservation and unlock their full potential. Remember, change takes time and patience. By fostering a supportive and empathetic environment, you can empower your team members to thrive.

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